Eleanore Vs. A Battle With a Calendar

Dearest human thingies,

I have a profusion of hopes for my life; even on my most unwell days, I still hold a light inside me. Some days it is just the flicker of a struggling candle, while other days it is a beacon of light that encourages me to move forward.  Either way, it is always there, whether it is whispering or shouting. One of my biggest goals of all is to become a true writer. As I’m sure you are aware, that’s not a quick or simple goal to accomplish. I’ve found some great guidance here and there ,especially from WordPress University; a guide I didn’t even know existed until I accidentally stumbled upon it. It was like finding out Jackalopes truly were real (I still have my hopes up for that one. Don’t judge me, internet).

One piece of advice I have come across in regards to motivation and time usage is to create an editorial calendar. You know, a calendar of what I write on what day to keep me on a steady pace towards my dream. I thought this was a novel idea, so I printed out a pretty little calendar with a donut design (I’m an adult, I swear!) and was thrilled to create my plan. Later that day, before I could work on it,  I became exhausted, my body hurting and aching while my mind fell into a haze, and I resigned myself to my bed after a day of running around and helping my adoptive mother with all the things.

This has lead me to a conundrum that I feel has been an impediment in my life for as long as I can remember. It is extremely hard to stick to a schedule of any kind when my life is ruled by my health. Even planning what to do in a single day sometimes doesn’t work because I think I had more energy than I truly do, and I’m left frustrated and unproductive.

I would love to write out an editorial calendar fro the next three months, and I do think it would help immensely. But how does a schedule work when I must constantly rearrange it last minute because of my health on any given day? This is a large part of what I have such a hard time finding any steady work. I am an incredibly hard worker and I am extremely motivated; however, regardless of how motivated I am, if I am in too much pain or too unwell, that takes priority, and nothing else matters.

Of course some would say, “just work through it!” or “just take more pain meds!” But they don’t understand that I already am working through my physical and mental pain every single second of every single day. Some days it is  just too much. Some days the pain in my body is too severe for me to move around my home, or my chronic migraines are too severe for me to think through. I have better and worse days, but the pain is always there, and I do indeed work through it. But even for someone like me who has become accustomed to the feeling of chronic pain, there is a limit. There’s only so much one person can take, yet almost daily I cross that line because after all, I still need money to survive.

No matter how much we hate it or refuse to admit it, for those of us with chronic illness, our health comes first. Even when we try everything in our ability to control or ignore it, even though we sometimes win, we nearly always end up paying for it later. Of course, this doesn’t mean we can never do anything. I simply refuse to let my illness take over my entire life. If anything, I have to maintain the belief that there must be a balance.

For people such as myself, there must be a way for us to be able to plan, organize and work while still remaining flexible enough to care for ourselves as we need. For each of us, this means something different depending on what exactly we suffer from and what we need in regards to our care. No one chronically ill person is like another, even if we have the same illnesses, but I’m sure many others share this same conflict.

My hope is that despite my ongoing frustration and struggle, the realization that I am in need of a particular way of weaving work into the rest of my life will only motivate me to create one that is both healthy and productive so that I’ll be able to succeed in the way that is most fitting to my situation. I may not have started out with a very good life; but I am a stubborn little asshole who is determined to create one without causing a great deal of harm to my well being. There are many people that do sacrifice their health in order to work, and I know how hard that is as I have done it myself. In reality, no matter how sick a person is, they still need to make money in order to survive. I’ve been in that situation most of my life, and I currently still am. But I am so painfully unhappy with the way things are, and more than motivated to change it. I’m not sure exactly how just yet, but I’m working on it. And dammit, I will figure out how to plan my editorial calendar!

Here’s to my future, and all of yours.

If you are a fellow writer who is slowly yet surely building your blog, check out the free WordPress Uni. I love it, and it is wonderfully insightful! Click here to be magically transported! Woooooooaaahhhh!!!

Let’s make this happen, girl,
We’re gonna show the world that something
Good can work, and it can work for you
And you know that it will.

Let’s get this started, girl,
We’re movin’ up, we’re movin’ up
It’s been a lot to change, but you
Will always get what you want.

~Something Good Can Work – Two Door Cinema Club 

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