Lately, I’ve been leaning towards the Dark Side. While it isn’t a good feeling to be sick, in pain, frustrated, and all the other nasty feelings I face on a daily basis, I also think that in the slightly overused words of John Green:
That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.
At this point, millions of people relate to this quote for every reason under the sun (just kidding. I live in Missouri, the sun does not exist here). I find it really hits home for those of us who are perpetually sick. I believe that it’s alright to go to the Dark Side, that sometimes you have no choice in the matter, and that the first step to getting better is almost always hurting more, getting worse, and fighting your way through the sickness with bloodied knuckles and plenty of tears.
I also appreciate breaks in the misery, and that is exactly what I am hoping this post will be. I have always fought to retain my sense of humor. I’ve done pretty well at this so far, and hope to continue to do so. Even in the worst conditions, I try my hardest to make nurses, doctors, and others laugh. I try to remember my compassion, and be aware of the fact that while few jobs are as difficult as being chronically ill, being a nurse or doctor is definitely on the same level. Both sides seem to experience more bad days than good. Whether we are the ones struggling to breathe or the ones rushing to help someone regain their breath, we are both fighting against the most vicious battles for life. So, we all deserve a little comical relief now and then.
I am a very silly person at times, and if you have followed me long, you’ve noticed I don’t have much of a filter and generally say whatever I like. This makes for very interesting conversation with strangers. My darling readers, I present to you, a small collection of ridiculous conversations I’ve had, that when I look back on, cause me to giggle and wonder how anyone talks to me at all (while also hoping they at least made the other person’s day a bit more interesting).
Regarding Eating Gluten Free
Cashier: Oh, you eat gluten free! Me too!
Me: Oh really, cool! Do you have Celiac Disease as well?
Cashier: No, I just do it because I think it is good for me.
Me: Oh. That’s cool. I eat gluten free because otherwise I’d die.
Regarding an X-Ray
Tech: Oh I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but could you remove your bra from under your shirt? The underwire would interfere with the images.
Me: Yeah, I mean, if teenage boys can do it, I’m sure I can too!
Tech and others: *laughter*
Regarding my sexuality
(Somehow our conversation about nerds got turned into a conversation about sexuality)
Cashier: I’m sorry, I know bisexuals totally exist, but I have to stick to my beliefs. You’re either gay or not, there is no middle. It’s like a buffet, you can’t have tacos and hot dogs in one sitting.
Me: (Loudly) Oh, but I can, because both are delicious.
Cashier: (Stunned into an awkward laugh while man behind him is staring at me) ………have a good day?
Me: You too!
Regarding my Hysterectomy
Me: (Explaining to OB/GYN about how a male doctor at Urgent Care looked inside me using the metal tool and exclaimed, “Where’s your uterus?!” And how I found it ridiculous for a doctor to ask me that)
OB/GYN: That’s hilarious, I can’t believe that! Next time that happens you should tell him, “I don’t know, I just had it yesterday.”
Me: Or I’ll tell him I left it in my other purse, because that’s totally a normal thing that happens.
Me: You know, when I was a kid I had my blood drawn so often that I began to think you guys were actually vampires, and instead of testing my blood, you would actually just drink it.
Phlebotomist: (Who had been completely silent up to this point) We do. (Smiles widely)
Me: Oh. My. God. I knew it!
Regarding Myself Making Cashiers Feel Weird About Life
Me: Hey, do you remember me? I’m the one that freaked you out by telling you I eat gluten free so I wouldn’t die.
Cashier: OH! Yes I remember that, oh my god, I was shocked, I didn’t know what to say!
Me: I know, I’m sorry…I promise, I’m really not an asshole. I just kind of have no filter.
Well, there you have it, a glimpse into how I try to communicate with people. I don’t think I am very good at it, but I hope this made some people laugh. I also keep asking MRI and CT-Scan techs when I will finally be turned into a ninja turtle from all the scans. They keep saying they don’t know, but I remain hopeful.
I’m suddenly craving pizza.
The time has finally come for us to be the greatestCause heroes aren’t born, they’re created.Long before our days begins,What every heroes needs
Is a big O greasy pizza.