Ellie Vs. Words and What to do With Them

Hello, I’m Ellie. And I have been sick since before I was even a single particle in the universe. I have many different illnesses, all of which have made my life complex, scary, and not at all boring. Some of my illnesses have a name, while others are still a mystery. To get to the point, here’s a handy list. I have *deep breath*:

  • Celiac Disease
  • Many food allergies (which were mainly the cause of)
  • Chronic anaphylactic shock
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Jaw deformation from birth
  • Vasovagal syncope
  • Gilbert’s syndrome
  • Mystery illness in my spine (probably another deformity from birth, so the latest doctor hypothesized)
  • Mystery illness in my abdomen
  • Mystery illness in my reproductive system

So..quite the list there. As you can see, that’s kind of a lot for one girl to deal with. I’ve been a medical anomaly for some time. I am very, very popular…okay. Well. Not really. The only place I have ever been popular in is my local Emergency Room. I…don’t think that’s the right kind of fame. I have even had doctors want to write about me in medical journals…but now I have decided, after 24 years of my life, that the person most deserving of writing about me is, well, me. Because who could possibly know the story better than the one living it, right?

This blog will be a compilation of my adventure through life, of my experiences in the past, and of things I like. When I was younger, I always made a point to say my illness and pain is not all there is to me. And it isn’t, really, I promise. But at the same time, it is a big part of my life, and a part of who I am as a person. And it’s very difficult to have sickness be a big part of my life, because no one knows what to say to someone who is sick. People can talk about relationships, and the news, and the weather…but not many people know what to say when I’ve just come home from the hospital for the third time in a month, and have once again left the doctors scratching their heads. Some days I don’t even know what to say to myself, truthfully. But today, I feel like for once, I do. And so, while I am hoping that this blog will help me, I am hoping even more that this will help people who are like me, who suffer from maybe one illness, or five, or they aren’t even sure what is going on, but know that they feel alone because no one else knows what to say.

Being chronically ill, especially with a plethora of different things, can make one feel like not even a little fish in a big pond, but rather a single raindrop in a deep, endless ocean. Sometimes, it feels like the ocean is just going to gobble me up. And I know I am not the only one that feels that way. But to anyone who is reading this, and who feels like me, I hope you can take solace in the fact that no matter what your story is, we are all humans made out of the same thing that the planets, the stars, and the Earth; we are all made of stardust. I suppose some of the stardust was sick, and that’s what made people like me…but nevertheless, we can still be bright. I hope I can make some people, as well as myself, shine brighter.

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